Monday, October 12, 2009

Rollercoaster

The last few days have been a wild ride. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I arrived home Friday night, and set to work making dinner for the family and making Rice Krispie Treats for the Cub Scout Pack meeting on Saturday. Luckily, I had a little helper.



Then, I gave a presentation at work Saturday morning that went horribly. There were some malcontents in the audience that made the experience very uncomfortable. People have been very supportive, and have been approaching me to tell me that I handled myself well, but ugh! I just wanted to go home and climb in the bed for the rest of the day. Of course, that was not to be. First, I had to make an appearance at the Homecoming football game. Then the kids and I left that for the Cub Scout Pack Meeting, which was a fun, but exhausting 3 hours. For my station, I brought along a student that I recruited from Costa Rica a few years ago, and we taught them some things about Costa Rica and some useful phrases in Spanish so we could earn our Culture belt loop. After that, we went home and the kids let me take a quick nap before we went out to the Homecoming Dance. My kids love to dance! How is it that they don't need sleep, though?



My plan on Sunday was to just sew, which I did a bit but not nearly as much as I had hoped. I worked on my scrappy flannel buzzsaw quilt a bit.

My leader and ender project for that session was my Scrappy Star quilt, so I also got one more of those blocks done.



Today was also supposed to be a busy day - a day full of interviews at work, followed by karate and a cub scout den meeting. Just as I was about to start my first interview, my friend and co-den leader who is also the mother to my oldest son's best friend called to tell me that her oldest daughter had just passed away. She was 18 and severely disabled, but this was unexpected and I am still in shock. I feel so helpless and sad for my friend, and for Jason's little friend who just lost his big sister. I don't know what to do - I want to be there for her, but I also want to give her space if she needs it. I have no frame of reference. I've lost a parent and friends, but I can't even conceive of losing my child. I have been emotional all day, but I made it through the workday, and then went to karate to yell and kick and punch out my anger and frustration with impunity. The kids and I went to the cub scout meeting just in case someone didn't get my email letting them know what happened, and I'm glad I did, because someone showed up. Then, I came home and cuddled with my kids and thanked God for every day I have with them.

At bedtime, I didn't draw the line at two stories like I usually do. The third book they pulled out tonight is one that makes me feel weepy on a good day, and I couldn't make it through the book without crying tonight - Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch.

It is a beautiful story about a mother's love for her son, and the song she sings to him about how he will always be her baby no matter how big he grows. At the end, the tables are turned as the grown man is now rocking his dying mother and singing to her about how she will always be his Mommy. Being a mother has been the most profound and rewarding experience in my life, and the thought of losing one of my children terrifies me. I know my friend isn't reading this, but if she were, I would want her to know that I love her, and I'm here for her, and I am so, so sorry.

12 comments:

Hazel said...

You've had a rough couple of days ,try to take some time for yourself and relax.I've always found the best thing to do when in this situation is just be a good listener ,my heart goes out to your friend I've lost parents and siblings but just can't imagine losing one of my children .Your family and friend is in my prayers .

Molly said...

You are a good friend and just being there for her is the best thing you can do. Jay and I lost our baby many years ago and I really had a lot of trouble getting over it. I remember I would just go sit in his room in the rocking chair for hours doing nothing. This will be hard but waiting for her to come talk to you is the best thing....plus a big hug from you.

Becky said...

What can I say, dear friend. My prayers are with you and your friend....her agony must be great. I pray for comfort for you both.

Auntie Em said...

Erin, I'm so sad to read about your friend's loss. I can't imagine losing a child. I can see why that book at this time in particular would make you teary eyed.
My heart goes out to you both.

Kim said...

Go be with her as much as you can.... then you can observe if she needs more or less of your time, love and support.
My biggest fear in life too is losing one of my children, I am sorry to tell you Erin that is gets harder with time when you have less control over there comings and goings.....when they learn to drive, fly off to foreign countries and travel for business.
You just have to put them in Gods loving hands and give thanks for everyday you do have together.

My prayers are with you both.

quiltfool said...

Hey, Erin. You're in my thoughts. I usually just barge on in at a time of loss. I'm usually the quiet in the frenzy, washing dishes and cleaning up after all the family that's usually gathered around. Then, when I'm not needed anymore, I slip away. But, you'll have to judge what your friend needs. Take care of yourself as well. lane

bingo~bonnie said...

wow that is quite a roller coaster indeed! I'm so sorry to hear about your friend loosing her child.

Just be close to her and make yourself available... and I'm sure that God will allow you to be used if she needs someone to lean on.

Like everyone else who mentioned before me - I too can't imagine the pain of loosing a child...I've had 2 different coworkers who lost their children and just listening to them talk of their children and all they went thru seemed to help them a lot.

thanks for taking the time to share this. I think writting about it can help.

Love from Texas! ~bonnie

Quiltluver said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's loss. It is very sad to hear of the loss of a child. I'm sure you'll find a way to show or tell your friend how much you love and care for her, and that you'll be there when she needs you. You're both in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs.
Karen

Shirleymac said...

Aw shoot... now you got me all teary explaining that book. You certainly have had a full plate. Every audience is going to have malcontents. Focus on the positive feedback you got. I know it's hard but try anyway. Sorry to hear about your friend's loss too. Even if her daughter was disabled it will leave a huge hole in their hearts for a bit. But for the girl stuck in that body for 18 years it's a blessing.

Piwacket said...

You are an amazing woman...compassionate, talented, and organized. My heart goes out to your friend. I agree with you about that book...I'm a teacher and read it to classes on occasion. I can never get through it without choking up. It's also a religious experience for me. I become overwhelmed by how much I love my sons, and then realize that God loves us even more than that. It always gets to me.

oldbatt said...

I'm so sorry for you and your friend's loss. Just being there for your friend to say whatever she wants to say is the best thing you could ever offer. No one can imagine the loss of a child no matter how young or old they are. Best, Lisa

dobco said...

I love your blog! I love your quilts! I love your passion! And I love that book! The first time I showed it to my daughter we were standing in Walmart and both started to cry!